Heaven Application / short form

Heaven Application /  short form

By Charles E. Kraus

1.  Why do you want to become a member of our community?

2.  Names of three references (please, no relatives).

3.  Your Good Works history (those of the Jewish persuasion may substitute Mitzvah history).

4.   Religious affiliation(s) (those of the Humanistic persuasion may respond: Ethical Culture,      

      Agnostic, Atheist, Deist or recovering Scientologist ).

5.   Do you have a fear of heights?

6.   Will you be staying with family members?

7.   Do you sing?

8.   Name your favorite author.

9.   Will you be joining a support group, and if so, what issues are of particular interest to you?

10. Do you believe in sex after death?

11  Have you been out of the country in the last 21 days?

12.  Are you conversant with Excel? 

14.  Would you like to be put on the waiting list for reincarnation? 

15.  Do you smoke?

16.  In 30 words or less, tell us something about yourself that makes you proud to be Heavenly.

17.  Summarize your death bed thoughts.

18.  As you expired, did you see a white light?

19.  If your death was not by natural causes, explain the circumstances.  Provide names of all individuals involved, and with regards to perpetrators, indicate whether or not you have forgiven them.

20.  If Hollywood decides to remake The Last Temptation of Christ, how would you cast this feature?

21.  Rate the following people in descending order of significance:

Pope Francis, Albert Einstein, Lenny Bruce, J.D. Salinger, Ethel Waters, Norman Vincent Peal, George Burns, Mel Gibson and Brian Williams.

22.  Tell us how we can make the world a better place.

23.  Do you have an opinion about Gay angels?

24.  Favorite animal

25.  Favorite flower

26.  Favorite televangelist 

BONUS QUESTION:

Discuss — is Noah more famous for the Ark or for bagels?

Upon completing this form, please retain a copy for your records and burn the original.