Eye Contact
By Charles E. Kraus
We live just north of Seattle. An elderly couple feeling pretty lucky, under the circumstances. No coughing. No fevers. But, of course, no contact with the outside world. That's the hard one. We were all set to fly down to see the kids and the grandkids when air travel became unadvisable. We make the trip to the San Francisco area as often as we can. But all plans are on hold.
Lila, the two and a half year old, begins most of our FaceTime conversations by says, "want to come to your house." She likes it here. Lots of toys, spaces to explore, and mostly, her grandmother. Lila's trips are on hold, too.
The girls -- Lila and her big sister, six year old Alice -- video chat with us several times a day. Such sessions have been taking place for the past few years, long before sheltered in place. But they feel extra valuable right now.
Initially, our daughter handled the technical iPhone procedures, helping the girls sit where we could see them, guiding their fingers to the right buttons, suggesting topics of conversation and show and tell items they might want to present. These chats were short and stilted. McLuhan would have accurately described our interactions as the medium being the message. It was the idea of interacting that filled most transmission time.
Before long the kids became old hands at picking up mom's phone and taking charge of their own video calls. Lately, we've been getting their morning reports from the breakfast table. Mid afternoon updates, and bedtime night nights.
When Alice was about four she began turning the camera on scenes and activities rather than focusing on her face. We saw parks, her school, her friends, her favorite toys, her artwork. We were given video tours of family outings. The dentist, Trader Joes.
Now the world has contracted. Instead of the park, transmissions originate from the side yard, or more often than not, from inside the modest sized apartment. Alice has a sense of the restrictions that have been imposed. These days, she is busy doing her school work at home. Mom dials up a FaceTimes call then turns the phone over to Lila. Little sister hasn't caught on to the new restrictions. She will.
FaceTime. We see the girl's paintings. Are given glimpses of the latest reconfiguration of their room. Alice knows how to spring into the picture, a surprise! And how to continue the conversation while adding a lot of memes and odd ball hi tech facial distortions.
Linda reads books to Lila, and I do my little puppet shows for the girls.
There is a certain amount of faux eye contact that takes place during these long distance conversations. People stare at one another. By force of habit, or force of nature, we keep initiating eye-to-eye contact. A frustrating effort when you find yourself peering into the eyes of the visual representation of those you love most dearly.
