SANTAS I HAVE KNOWN
By Charles Kraus (aka: Charles The Clown)
“Is
this the line for cheeseburgers?”
"NO! It’s for Santa!"
That’s a kid responding to my
question. I’ve been Charles The Clowning my way through
life — more than 50 years of performing for children, including
hundreds and hundreds of Christmas events. That means I’ve
introduced, worked with, and/or helped to sober up hundreds and
hundreds of Santa Clauses. Evidently kids are not
particular about who is wearing the outfit.
I finish my show, making the final extra
gigantic balloon reindeer. My puppet and I are saying
good-bye when suddenly we hear something.
"Hold on kids." I look
up.
Could it be … ?
"I think Santa might be up there."
Puppet: "Santa Monica?"
"No … that’s to the south."
Puppet: "Santa Barbara?"
"To the North."
Puppet: "Santa Who?"
"Santa CLAUS!"
I point to the door, the prearranged door, for
the prearranged entrance. I’ve said my line … now
Santa is supposed to come rushing in.
Not yet? Where is he?
"OK. Kids, maybe he’s having
trouble finding a parking spot for the sleigh. Perhaps his
GPS isn’t working and he can't locate us. Why don’t we
shout “Hello Santa!”
"HELLO SANTA!”
Eventually, when he, or she, is ready, has
gotten up the nerve, refastened the beard, and figured out the cue
has been given … and given ... out pops Santa.
The person in the red suit is young, or
old. He’s fat or skinny. He’s Black,
Hispanic, Asian, Filipino. There was the Santa with the
very French waxed handlebar mustache, the ends twisted into swirling
curlicues. It might be time for Mrs. Santa. Santa
in a wheelchair or using a walker. I’ve worked
with gay Santas, with lesbian Santas, and in retrospect, possibly
with transgender Santas.
One of my jobs is to travel the line, keep the
kids entertained while they wait for a turn to tell The Claus what
they would like for Christmas.
“I’ve
got my list,” I tell them, waving it around. I start to
read …
“Bread,
Milk, Swiss Cheese … hold on, that’s my shopping list.”
Sometimes I ask children what is on their
Christmas list. Occasionally, having sized up the Santa
they are about to meet, I’m thinking the best thing the kids could
ask for would be a change of venue.
The meet and greet is a right of passage that
most kids take in stride. Some may be fearful, but I’ve
heard few complains regarding authenticity. It does
strike me that most Santa impersonators have been cajoled into
donning the suit. There is a reluctance. Perhaps an
embarrassment aspect.
A little Ho Ho Ho. The official
questions: Been good? And what do you want for
Christmas? Not a demanding script.
The trick is to listen to the answers.
The better Santas help children put the gift thing into perspective.
“I’ll
try to get you that, Harriet, but if the elves don’t have time make
one, I promise to get you something else you’ll enjoy.”
Say it like you mean it, Santa. And,
oh …. pull down that sleeve. Your Grateful Dead tattoo
is showing.
