My plan for the new year

 My plan for the new year | Opinion

Updated 8:05 AM; Today 8:05 AM

This January 1 will be different than the previous ones, author Charles Kraus says. It will come crashing through pent up and exhausted emotions, smashing disappointments, ennui, and feelings of hopelessness. A course correction offering concreteness to objectives that have been elusive.

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By Star-Ledger Guest Columnist

By Charles E. Kraus

Typically, my New Year’s resolutions are performa. An annual recommitment to eating healthy, behaving well, improving my outlook. And always, my final resolve is to stick to my resolutions. But as we end the disastrous current year, I’m not inclined to plagiarize from my previous self-deceptive goals.

January 1st is usually symbolic. A reset. A chance to start over. Of course, like many on this New Year’s Day, we turn the page only to discover a continuation of things already in play. More of the same with an adjusted date stamp. Obviously, 2021 is going to be different. It will come crashing through pent up and exhausted emotions, smashing disappointments, ennui, and feelings of hopelessness. A course correction offering concreteness to objectives that have been elusive.

I understand a great deal of heartbreak is still in the mix. One of the top items on my list is to find out where, when and how my family will be getting vaccinated. But simply writing the word VACCINATED improves my frame of mind.

Here’s more of what I’m up to, and this time, I’m determined to stick to my plan:

My emphasis will be on my family. Grandchildren, children, friends. You’d have to scroll way down to find any entries involving commerce. Since March, I’ve refreshed Amazon so often Bezos cited me in the annual report. One exception: I might be purchasing a lot of airline tickets.

I’m going to take a timeout from “Breaking News,” “Open Immediately,” “Urgent,” “This Just In” — from all the onslaught of shocking, existential, political, moral and constitutional-crisis events and pseudo-events that have been etched into my screens. The initial batch of information about a political scandal caused outrage and concern. Then, over time, as the numbing adjusted my tolerance levels, my main reaction became disgust.

I certainly won’t ignore useful news. I hope to learn more and more about less and less COVID-19. I”m anxious to find out when my stimulus check will be arriving and when my favorite restaurant can reopen without restrictions. I long for the day restrictions once again become self-imposed, discretionary considerations, similar to the advisability of ordering a second slice of cake.

I think about the joys that will be coming my way in 2021. Hold on. That’s wrong. They won’t be coming my way at all. “Coming my way” suggests yet another delivery person misplacing yet another bubble wrapped package in front of my neighbor’s door. “Coming my way” means another tepid pizza showing up with the wrong toppings, handed over by someone who looks exhausted and in need of a fresh mask. I don’t want things coming my way. I want to go out into the world and retrieve them.

I’ll get in my car, walk down the street, enter a crowded store, visit a theater and marvel at the sensations running up and down my spine. Sensate activity switched on with a new, as well as renewed, appreciation of and for what lays on 2021′s horizon.

Charles Kraus is the author of “You’ll Never Work Again In Teaneck, NJ,” a memoir.

So Many Santas

So Many Santas

Published in the Orlando Sentinel and associated newspapers 
https://www.orlandosentinel.com/opinion/guest-commentary/os-op-my-time-with-santa-claus-20201223-uu5uxjvnfbcvxhynhsyqntjpju-story.html

By CHARLES KRAUS    

GUEST COLUMNIST 

DEC 23, 2020 AT 8:47 AM

Fortunately, Santa Claus has spent all of his time leading up to Christmas close to home in a COVID-19 bubble with his wife and two dozen elves. He was actually set to receive the very first inoculation. It makes sense because he is potentially the ultimate super spreader.

As a long-haul children’s entertainer, I’ve had the opportunity to spend many a December appearing with an endless assortment of individuals dressed in red suits. We’ve appeared in department stores, Christmaslands, VFW halls, recreation centers, schools, festivals .... it’s a long list. But, of course, this holiday season things will be different. In more typical times, they go like this ....

“Is this the line for cheeseburgers?”

“No! It’s for Santa!”

That’s a kid responding to my question. I’ve been Charles The Clowning my way through life — including hundreds and hundreds of Christmas events. That means I’ve introduced, worked with, and/or helped to sober up hundreds and hundreds of Santa Clauses. Evidently kids are not particular about who is wearing the outfit.

I finish my show, making the final extra-gigantic balloon reindeer. My puppet and I are saying goodbye when suddenly we hear something.

“Hold on, kids.” I look up.

Could it be …

“I think Santa might be up there.”

Puppet: “Santa Monica?”

“No … that’s to the south.”

Puppet: “Santa Barbara?”

“To the sorth.”

Puppet: “Santa Who?”

“Santa Claus!”

I point to the door, the prearranged door, for the prearranged entrance. I’ve said my line … now Santa is supposed to come rushing in. Not yet?Where is he?

“OK, kids, maybe he’s having trouble finding a parking spot for the sleigh. Perhaps his GPS isn’t working and he can’t find us. Why don’t we shout ‘Hello, Santa!’”

“HELLO, SANTA!”

Eventually, when he, or she, is ready, has gotten up the nerve, refastened the beard, and figured out the cue has been given … and given ... out pops Santa. The person in the red suit is young, or old. He’s fat or skinny. He’s Black, Hispanic, Vietnamese, Asian, Filipino. Might be Mrs. Santa. Might be in a wheelchair. I’ve worked with gay Santas, with lesbian Santas, and in retrospect, possibly with transgender Santas.

One of my jobs is to travel the line, keep the kids entertained while they wait for a turn to tell The Claus what they would like for Christmas.

“I’ve got my list,” I tell them, waving it around. I start to read …

“Bread, milk, Swiss cheese … hold on, that’s my shopping list.”

Sometimes I ask children what is on their Christmas list. Occasionally, having sized up the Santa they are about to meet, I’m thinking the best thing the kids could ask for would be a change of venue.

The meet-and-greet is a rite of passage that most kids take in stride. Some may be fearful, but I’ve heard few complaints regarding authenticity. It does strike me that most Santa impersonators have been cajoled into donning the suit. There is a reluctance. Perhaps an embarrassment aspect.

A little “Ho ho ho” starts things off. The official questions: “Been good? And what do you want for Christmas?” Not a demanding script.

The trick is to listen to the answers.

The better Santas help children put the gift thing into perspective.

“I’ll try to get you that, Harriet, but if the elves don’t have time to make one, I promise to get you something else you’ll enjoy.”

Say it like you mean it, Santa. And, oh …. pull down that sleeve. Your Grateful Dead tattoo is showing.

Charles Kraus has performed around the country as Charles the Clown. During the pandemic, he has performed virtually from his home in Seattle.