KIDS SAID THE DARNDEST
THINGS
By Charles Kraus - sometimes CharlesThe Clown
I’m setting up the last of my props at a
recreation center in LA. The kids are already seated on the floor, about a
hundred of them. I’ve been giving shows at this location once or twice a year
for over two decades.
“It’s him!”
“No”
“It is him!”
“No it’s not!”
Two boys in the audience are arguing about me.
“It is him …. He got old!”
I have a sense of humor – it’s sort of required in my business.
Some of what kids say is constructive – “I wish you looked at our row more.” Some is mere age appropriate skepticism – (after a magic trick) – “I know how he did it! It’s a trick!”
Mostly, what I remember are the silly, funny lines offered by children who have their own ways of seeing the world.
A few minutes after a birthday party show one of the kids wanders back into the living room and finds me packing up.
"Will there be an encore?"
I put the make-up and costume on during my performances.. It’s a comedy routine where things get kind of mixed up. I have trouble finding the powder puff, which has ended up on top of my head. The kids … all of them …. help me to locate it. They shout, “it’s on your head!” so loud, it falls off my head.
“It’s him!”
“No”
“It is him!”
“No it’s not!”
Two boys in the audience are arguing about me.
“It is him …. He got old!”
I have a sense of humor – it’s sort of required in my business.
Some of what kids say is constructive – “I wish you looked at our row more.” Some is mere age appropriate skepticism – (after a magic trick) – “I know how he did it! It’s a trick!”
Mostly, what I remember are the silly, funny lines offered by children who have their own ways of seeing the world.
A few minutes after a birthday party show one of the kids wanders back into the living room and finds me packing up.
"Will there be an encore?"
I put the make-up and costume on during my performances.. It’s a comedy routine where things get kind of mixed up. I have trouble finding the powder puff, which has ended up on top of my head. The kids … all of them …. help me to locate it. They shout, “it’s on your head!” so loud, it falls off my head.
Once, after appearing at a father-son elementary
school event, I was in the men’s room washing up and changing back into my civilian
outfit. A dad and his young son entered. They stopped to look at me standing by
the sink removing my makeup.
“Oh,” the kid explained to his father, “that’s Charles. He’s putting on his person so no one will know he’s a clown.”
A woman I know gave me as a “gift” year after year for her God daughter’s birthday parties. According to this God mother, the child came for a visit to her house, roved about searching for something, then finally said, “so where does Charles sleep, in the bath tub?”
Last week, after a camp show, a kindergartner came up to me and said, “can you please repeat the show?”
Bones The Dog Puppet is my sidekick. It takes children a few minutes to warm up to a strange performer, but only about a second to warm up to a large, fuzzy dog puppet. Once, after a program, a mom who was gripping her child’s hand approached me. Her daughter looked uncomfortable being so close.
“I’ll step back,” I volunteered. “Sometimes children are frightened of clowns.”
“I’m not afraid of you,” the girl said. “I’m afraid of dogs.”
About two days ago, after a library performance in Portland, a little guy came up to me.
“You know that girl, Loretta?”
“Gee, there were lots of kids in the audience.”
“She’s the one, helped you with the balloon trick.”
“Oh, sure I remember her.”
“Well …. I was her brother.”
I got my start in “show business,” back east when I was a teenage magician. At birthday party appearances, I did a magic act. Then, using 6 or 7 of those old fashioned, fat, 3 foot long balloons, I created a giant balloon dog birthday present. Upon finishing a particular show, the mom instructed me to make similar animals for each of the guests. In those days, I was lucky to come up with enough air to inflate balloons to form one dog. I had neither the air, the balloons nor the desire to provide creations for twenty guests.
The mom said she would not pay me until I made a balloon animal for each kid. I said I couldn’t do that.
It was a standoff.
Finally, my father, who was my designated driver, rang the bell. I was going to be late for another party show. What was taking so long? .
“I’m not paying him a cent until he makes more balloons!,” the outraged mom said.
Sizing up the situation, dad told me to forgo the fee and head for the car.
As I did this, the appalled mom shouted --- “you’ll never work again in Teaneck, New Jersey!”
“Oh,” the kid explained to his father, “that’s Charles. He’s putting on his person so no one will know he’s a clown.”
A woman I know gave me as a “gift” year after year for her God daughter’s birthday parties. According to this God mother, the child came for a visit to her house, roved about searching for something, then finally said, “so where does Charles sleep, in the bath tub?”
Last week, after a camp show, a kindergartner came up to me and said, “can you please repeat the show?”
Bones The Dog Puppet is my sidekick. It takes children a few minutes to warm up to a strange performer, but only about a second to warm up to a large, fuzzy dog puppet. Once, after a program, a mom who was gripping her child’s hand approached me. Her daughter looked uncomfortable being so close.
“I’ll step back,” I volunteered. “Sometimes children are frightened of clowns.”
“I’m not afraid of you,” the girl said. “I’m afraid of dogs.”
About two days ago, after a library performance in Portland, a little guy came up to me.
“You know that girl, Loretta?”
“Gee, there were lots of kids in the audience.”
“She’s the one, helped you with the balloon trick.”
“Oh, sure I remember her.”
“Well …. I was her brother.”
I got my start in “show business,” back east when I was a teenage magician. At birthday party appearances, I did a magic act. Then, using 6 or 7 of those old fashioned, fat, 3 foot long balloons, I created a giant balloon dog birthday present. Upon finishing a particular show, the mom instructed me to make similar animals for each of the guests. In those days, I was lucky to come up with enough air to inflate balloons to form one dog. I had neither the air, the balloons nor the desire to provide creations for twenty guests.
The mom said she would not pay me until I made a balloon animal for each kid. I said I couldn’t do that.
It was a standoff.
Finally, my father, who was my designated driver, rang the bell. I was going to be late for another party show. What was taking so long? .
“I’m not paying him a cent until he makes more balloons!,” the outraged mom said.
Sizing up the situation, dad told me to forgo the fee and head for the car.
As I did this, the appalled mom shouted --- “you’ll never work again in Teaneck, New Jersey!”
Perhaps that is why I ended up moving to the west
coast. Anyway, my point is that kids aren’t the only ones who say the darndest
things.
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