[2011]
Why I Decided To Turn 65
By Charles Kraus
They are about to
express birthday wishes to me again. Early on in my earthly
rounds, such salutations could not come often
enough, especially if accompanied by gift-
wrapping. Back then it seemed to take forever to get from one birthday to the next, and I
was quite anxious to do so. I wished to accumulate a series of hallmarks, thereby
qualifying me as an established member of the adult class.
A reassessment of my fondness for birthdays came shortly after turning 30. Our
two daughters had captured my complete attention. One day I realized they would grow
up and move away. Perhaps we could slow down the clock, savor the family process.
Why all the rush?
At this point in what is left of my life, I do my best to deflect birthday greetings,
trying not to cringe when these are offered. There is a certain responsibility that comes
with turning the big Six - Five. A certain plateauing. People want to know if my aspirations have been achieved, and I don’t necessarily care to discuss the topic.
wrapping. Back then it seemed to take forever to get from one birthday to the next, and I
was quite anxious to do so. I wished to accumulate a series of hallmarks, thereby
qualifying me as an established member of the adult class.
A reassessment of my fondness for birthdays came shortly after turning 30. Our
two daughters had captured my complete attention. One day I realized they would grow
up and move away. Perhaps we could slow down the clock, savor the family process.
Why all the rush?
At this point in what is left of my life, I do my best to deflect birthday greetings,
trying not to cringe when these are offered. There is a certain responsibility that comes
with turning the big Six - Five. A certain plateauing. People want to know if my aspirations have been achieved, and I don’t necessarily care to discuss the topic.
Am I not supposed to
have attained something? Wealth? Stature? Wisdom? Or, how about solvency,
shouldn't I have that by now? I have or should have achieved a reasonable level
of maturity. I must have learned important things, things worth knowing and
passing along before I become senile and misplace my findings.
The
paperwork says “year of birth 1946,”
but I am actually a person of many ages. Upon waking, I am 18. By noon, I have
reached 50. After dinner, I hover over the line of scrimmage, feeling 65 to
perfection. On nights requiring me to remain coherent past 10 p.m., I glimpse
75, and have by then lost track of my comprehension and my glasses.
I would like to sum up all that I've concluded during 65 years of trial and error. This will be short. I have two items.
Researching this project, I reviewed many of the things I once thought I knew for sure:
That tattoos were for sailors. For a while, I was sure the planet was heading to a peaceful resolution of its differences. And anyway, wars of any sort didn't much matter because we lived in the USA – an ocean beyond the consequences of harms way. I supposed that, what with science, and literature, and advances in education, people would grow more logical, more reasonable. I even knew that because my father had his hair when he was 65, I would have mine. Myth, myth, myth, all theories and suppositions that I have subsequently discarded.
Here is what I now know for sure:
Randomness rules. This is not necessarily a pessimistic assessment. Random
comes in good as well as awful. One reason I wish to continue having birthdays is
because, from around many a blind corner has come a pleasant surprise. Who would have
guessed that being a husband and a parent could be so wonderful? That the advent of spellcheck would change my life?
Rumor has it I'll be receiving an I-Pad for my birthday. Once I learn to use it,
I am told, I can input my schedule, my plan for tomorrow and beyond. Fun thought. However,
the other thing I learned is:
You can schedule anything you please, but tomorrow doesn’t necessarily work
from your notes.
////
Seattle resident Charles Kraus is a writer and performer.
I would like to sum up all that I've concluded during 65 years of trial and error. This will be short. I have two items.
Researching this project, I reviewed many of the things I once thought I knew for sure:
That tattoos were for sailors. For a while, I was sure the planet was heading to a peaceful resolution of its differences. And anyway, wars of any sort didn't much matter because we lived in the USA – an ocean beyond the consequences of harms way. I supposed that, what with science, and literature, and advances in education, people would grow more logical, more reasonable. I even knew that because my father had his hair when he was 65, I would have mine. Myth, myth, myth, all theories and suppositions that I have subsequently discarded.
Here is what I now know for sure:
Randomness rules. This is not necessarily a pessimistic assessment. Random
comes in good as well as awful. One reason I wish to continue having birthdays is
because, from around many a blind corner has come a pleasant surprise. Who would have
guessed that being a husband and a parent could be so wonderful? That the advent of spellcheck would change my life?
Rumor has it I'll be receiving an I-Pad for my birthday. Once I learn to use it,
I am told, I can input my schedule, my plan for tomorrow and beyond. Fun thought. However,
the other thing I learned is:
You can schedule anything you please, but tomorrow doesn’t necessarily work
from your notes.
////
Seattle resident Charles Kraus is a writer and performer.
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